Ok, I'm now going to relate to anyone who would listen, exactly what happened yesterday which has haunted me vividly until now. (Plus, writing is very therapeutic so yay for me!)
Two guys from Sabah, Malaysia came up to the shop.
A mish-mash of pictures. The shop doesn't look like this now, layout has changed.
Coincidentally, Gwee had to run off to the post office. It's Puasa month; they close at 5pm. So these two guys looked around, and one of them passed me two tee shirts - he wanted to buy them and paid on the spot and said,"I'll look around some more, but give me a big plastic bag. I'm going back hometown tomorrow and I want to carry clothes".
That was warning bell number one.
So I did. He went around and picked up another t-shirt, and this time paid too much for it. He asked me to keep the change first, as he'll pick out another shirt. He finally did so, but asked for me to put this last shirt in a different bag - it was for his friend. He took the big bag and proceeded to browse.
He then went behind a rack where he knew I couldn't see him from where I was and proceeded to open the plastic bag (rustling sounds, can tell) and supposedly "count off" how many shirts he had bought.
Warning bell number two.
I quickly rushed over to him, and found an empty hanger on the rack with "RM330" printed on it. I wasn't too sure what to do, and to make matters worse, a couple of his other friends came up at that time. I was sooo itching and dying to say "Let me look in your bag, I know you took my hoodie". But because I was worried about losing more than the hoodie (Maybe they would get violent? Rob me? Run away? I don't know but I didn't think at THAT time it was worth the risk), I didn't confront the idiot. A slight distraction by his friends asking about other clothes was enough for the guy to slip the empty hanger off the rack, pretending it wasn't there in the first place.
But it was too late. I knew he stole my hoodie.
They left. I contemplated chasing after them, confronting them in public to avoid any probable bodily harm, but I was in shock. I was still unsure of what tot do. And because of that shock, it prevented me from preventing a theft. I don't know whether it was out of self-preservation, or stupidity that I had let them get away with it.
I was alone in a 2nd floor shoplot with no one occupying the floors below, and workers occupying the floor above. I was alone, with 3-4 guys who were taller, and stronger than me. I did what I thought best at that time.
But that wasn't enough...I could have prevented it.
I will never stop hating myself for that, and I doubt I ever could. Gwee reassures me that the theft wasn't too big and at least I wasn't hurt, so that's alright. It doesn't, however, stop the deep, fiery rage that is slowly, but surely building deep inside of me. My dreams are filled with violence; my fury so blinding that I am only satisfied when these guys get their well-deserved retribution.
I understand there are several stages you go through when you have experienced something like this ie. trauma, but it looks like acceptance will be something I will never achieve. I am still distraught, and to be honest, I know this is a small and petty thing, but I WANT to see those guys get what they deserve, and I will stop at NOTHING to prove to them that they shouldn't have messed with me...
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