Having it all, then slowly watching it all die

I've reached a stage in life where I'm so content, that I feel like I have it all. A stable and loving relationship, a great drama-free family, great friends (finally!), financial freedom to some extent, and best of all, the flexibility of being self employed.

I'm past the days of being overly emotional, but I do admit my teenage years were trying, and the two years I spent working corporate jobs was unbearably depressing, it was difficult to even drag myself out of bed every morning.

That all changed when I finally had to do some soul searching and figure out what it was that would drive me in life, and make me happier. That's when I left the corporate world and became self employed.

It seemed like my world was my oyster - I felt I had a lot of untapped potential and was eager to release it without the constraints of being tied down to doing things the way other people wanted me to do them.

It was basically all high flying from there; the money I earned was finally inline with the effort I was putting in. I was seeing instant results, plus I had the time to pursue my dreams. This year I admit I felt like I was at the top of my game. I made my first car purchase; my lovely Volkswagen Polo, something I would never regret buying as its served me well. Then came my first property investment a few months later. I started feeling like I might be in a bit of a pinch, but then, as always, I was confident that as long as I kept making an effort, I would still be making money.

Now, ever since I started being self employed, I'm at an all time low. A big chunk of my income from my lip balm business is now coming to a halt, mostly due to my supplier's decision to double the retail price, making her product so uncompetitive in the Malaysian market, that no one wants to buy it anymore. It's not like she cares; I doubt that I'm a huge contributor to her business and its one market that she's probably willing to let go of.

Another big chunk of income came from my selling on a Singaporean shopping portal, and that was mostly due to the efforts of a very efficient and hard working account manager, who has since left the company. The result? I can't even log in to sell my products anymore, let alone have any chance of them being promoted. How about my eBay sales? Restricted. As eBay has super anal rules, I can practically only post up 6 auctions every month. How can that be effective?

What's frustrating more than anything, is that these three factors are totally beyond my control, and not having that control is what led me to being depressed when I was working corporate. It's the worst feeling ever, and I honestly feel like I'm back at the drawing board, analyzing what other potential businesses there are out there that I can conquer. But seriously with the loans and fees and what nots that I'm having to shell out cash for, I'm once again on a depressing uphill battle.

Post Holiday Blues

It's the beginning of a new year, and everyone I know is excited for the year ahead. They've made brand, spanking new resolutions, and have huge goals and plans for the next 12 months.

Usually I'd be equally excited, a new year, new start, many things to look forward to. Not this year.

I'm horribly blue. I don't know whether it's because I feel that I'm still young at heart, and yet will be turning 27 this year, and just can't accept that fact. Sure, you can say that age is just a number, but in reality it DOES matter. For example, my ballet classes. I tire more easily than the younger ones, creak everywhere, and it takes a lot longer for me to recover. All that is due to the physically aging, and sadly, can't be slowed down just by "thinking" young.

Or maybe it's because for the past 4 years (has it been that long since I stopped working? It's been so long that I've honestly lost track) I've not given myself a break. No holidays, no MCs, no nothing. The good thing about it is that it shows that I actually enjoy and love what I do, but on the other hand it probably means that I'm tired, and worn out. I gave myself a small break at the end of the year. I let myself do nothing but play computer games, read, and watch shows without bothering with emails, and it's exactly THAT kind of break that I'm having so much difficulty recovering from.

Whatever it is, I honestly hope I snap out of it soon. Life is WAY too short to be spent being depressed.