Ballet Leotards - The New Age Chastity Belt

I love ballet to bits, it's my new passion! Well, my only passion. It was just one of those things that you think only happens in the movies.

I was stuck in a rut, experiencing a quarter life crisis, with my ego shattered to pieces by my boss who described me as "souless" and "passion-less". Thinking back on those days, honestly speaking, could anyone EVER be passionate about men's razors?!

But I digress.

On a whim, I decided to join an adult ballet class, since I was newly self employed and ready to exploit my freedom. In the words of my former colleagues, it's called being fun-employed! I remembered loving ballet when I was younger, but only did it til I was 10. Anyway, joined my first class, and experienced this roller coaster of emotions! Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, rainbows were shooting out of my ears and bodily orifices! I knew I was in love. It became one of those things I looked forward to doing on a daily basis (ok, the only thing I looked forward to doing) and the time I spent dancing, took all troubles and worries away.

I ended up taking classes 4 times a week. I would take more, if 1) there were actually more classes to take, and 2) if the classes weren't so ridiculously expensive.

My point is, if you have a young daughter who loves ballet as much as I do, always encourage her to do as many classes as possible. Not only will it nurture her talent and passion, I guarantee that she won't be doing the nasty with some boys.

I mean, have you SEEN what ballerinas wear?!

To demonstrate my point, I will now narrate what happened during my class tonight:

Class just started, we're all warming up nicely at the barre. We're halfway through our plies, and thanks to all the bloody squatting (to all the ballerinas out there, yes, I know we're not really squatting, but it does feel like it ok!) I have this sudden urge to pee.

I rush to the washroom and I:-

1) Take off my hip aligner belt
2) Peel off my leotard. It's body fitting mind you, it's a pain in the arse to pull it up and down.
3) Pull down my tights and undies. Which are also bloody tight and a pain to pull up and down.

That's just to pee.

Yep, at least 3 layers of clothing to remove before everything's gone. 3 layers of tight clothing, I cannot stress that more! By the time everything's off, you won't have the energy to do anything else.

And whomever watched Black Swan, and got the idea that ballerinas are all sexed up and get high all the time, you have got to be joking. Play back the scene where Tomas is groping Nina. Key word, groping. Nothing more. It's just too much of a hassle to do anything else.

Anyway! I hope this strange message actually does help to encourage you guys to send your kids to ballet!